this can not be viewed on youtube… it must be read..and is extremely long…(2/08)

May 2nd, 2010 Comments Off

…it is at times funny and in several instances includes finely crafted made up words with more then 2 syllables.
spring is in the air…..i wanted to take pictures of a field of snow drops this morning. i passed them yesterday after visiting highland cattle.  which were gorgeous by the way.  when i asked if the people had more than the 2 animals i saw on the rolling green field.  i was told by my tour guide in no uncertain terms the highlanders (that is most assuredly not what you call them but this is not the only example of my animal ineptness displayed on this page). the highlanders were only purchased as proof the owners could afford 2 such exotic beasts.  these hirsute creatures of lethargy had a 180 degree view of iken cliff.  the cliff was named such (a cliff) because it does not align evenly with the shore.  i’m not a geologist but if one were to fling themselves from this cliff they would be nothing more than terribly muddy and extremely embarrassed.  in my unprofessional opinion a more precise name would be the “iken watch out for the slight dip or you might stub your toe…vantage point.”  but more the accurate ability to name persons/places/things later.

so, i was heading out for some tea before my spring flower picture taking stroll.  which as well as making me sound like miss marple had me thinking about a conversation i had yesterday (pre highlander visit).   over tea a smartly dressed older architect from london was speaking in great esteem of the woman i am renting from in the village.  she is quite lovely and at the age of 80  has yet to surrender her blonde hair dye.  she wears these brilliant red and yellow jumpers and lipstick the moment she wakes up.  agreeing with the man wholeheartedly i glanced down at the jeans, rain boots, and black sweater that has become my uniform in the past weeks and added, “she puts in more effort than i do.”  his response,”well obviously.”    it seems in youth such carelessness is charming.  since i take all things old men wearing ascots say to heart i wore my rain boots, jeans, black sweater…and my new coat from cambridge as i headed out.

i was walking down the path when a car approached driven by a woman who works at the pub.  she asked me if she could show me something.  i jumped in eager to see this mystical magical something.  she told me she had two new lambs that were 24 hours old.  before i could blink she picked one up and thrust it at me with such force (i have not had lamb shoved at me so aggressively and with such intensity since i told my butcher i gave up red meat.)  now…i think that birth is a miracle and all but i didn’t want that so called miracle all over my new cambridge coat.  as you would assume the mother did not see 24 hours as adequate time to fully cleanse away the miracle of birth after having twins.  personally i don’t find the carelessness of youth as charming as sherlock holmes did yesterday.

complete non sequitur (what isn’t in my emails)
yesterday, after 6 weeks here, the historically factual recounting of the merman was shared.  i know it is not a mystical tale of unsubstantiated folklore because most of it takes place in the church.  it seems 200 years ago locals caught a merman in a net down at the quay.  after trying to get him to speak and explain his existence and where he came from they hung him upside down in the church. which of course is up there with brandy on the list of things known to make people chatter away.  he remained silent.  he was placed in the mote of the castle and escaped back to the sea.  my smartly dressed landlordess said the only reason he would not talk was he most likely  was…. a seal.  the townfolk’s medical expertise seems not to have advanced much since mermen/seals were persecuted for there unwillingness to speak.  i have been consistently told by the random orfordian that my consumption of
1. guinness (which has hit an all time high)
2. strong coffee
3. rum soaked cakes
will put hair on my chest.  to be safe and avoid being strung up in the church bell tower after being mistaken for a talking sheep i am about to depart england.  don’t know if i will have wifi access at my place in buenos aires but  if you don’t want to be included in the mass email updates of my travels my feelings will not be hurt…your car tires might…but my feelings won’t.  no really just let me know and i’ll make sure you do not get the next update on tango lessons in buenos aires and my photographer landlord whose last exhibition was entitled “abducted.”  things are gonna be a little different.

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